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Throughout the life of any relationship there are ups and downs, times when your relationship is hot and times when it cools, this is a normal pattern for everybody. If anybody tells you it is not true with them then the chances are that their relationship is so flat and possibly lacking in any sort of passion that the difference between up and down is zero. It’s quite possible that’s the way they both like it to be, but for the rest of us, well that’s a different story.

Relationship needs – freedom; on the face of it that’s strange title, but it does not mean freedom in a physical sense so it does not advocate a so called open relationship, rather it means a feeling of almost spiritual freedom. The chance to share and unburden each others fears and problems, within the relationship, this will ultimately bring you closer together.

Before we look closer, just remember the fuel for all relationships is hope, hope is the difference between living and existing, without hope there is no real future.

Freedom from the pain of yesterday, there may be things that happened to either of you before you got together, these may not be big things but simply incidents that stick in your mind. Don’t get stuck in the past bring it out and talk about it, with compassion and love, your pain will disappear. I’ve found that the most common is resentment about having been hurt in the past and being unable to bring out that resentment, well now’s your chance. The flip side is the guilt of regret for things you have done to hurt somebody, the answer is the same, neither guilt nor resentment can stand the full light of a loving relationship so they will disappear when exposed to your loving relationship.

Freedom from the pressure of today if you face life’s pressures together hand in hand, then you will gain strength and stability from each other. Life, especially in today’s economic climate, is tough so facing things together on an equal basis reduces stress - “a problem shared is a problem halved”. In doing this you will go a long way towards freedom from the daily pressures of life.

Freedom from pessimism about the future sharing is the key to this problem as well, it may not be able to change the future, but if you gain strength from each other and talk about the future then freedom from pessimism will at least grow. The future will look brighter and together you can face whatever comes your way, to get through life’s challenges.

Now is the time to step on the gas and fuel your hope for the future, together you can change the way things turn out.

You may need some help to get your freedom, but I hope that you can see what can be done, there are many ways to get help, possibly from your church they will have a relationship counsellor, maybe from a professional guidance counsellor. But my favourite is what helped us the most, online counselling in the privacy and comfort of our own home, which taught us the best way to talk things over and bring out our problems, it worked for us.
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So often I see couples just drifting apart, it seems almost like they lose interest in each other, not always purposefully frequently it happens without them realizing what’s going on. So the first move on the thoroughfare to reviving strong relationships therefore is to reconnect with each other.

Sounds easy doesn’t simply get together and your relationship   will be OK, basically yes, but you need to study this difficult path to strong relationships. To reconnect with each other needs time, effort and compassion. Probably the first place to start to get your ex back is for you each to take  an interest in what the other does, how they feel and what problems they have trouble coping with the most.

It may most possibly feel awkward for you both after a time when you allowed your relationship to slip, to get up close an personal with each other’s feelings again in this situation.

You will find that if you put some time aside on a regular basis, like every Tuesday and Thursday at 8.00pm, after you’ve eaten, put the kids to bed or whatever you have to do early evening. Allow yourselves an hour to sit with each other and talk. If you don’t do it now the next stage will be asking how to get your ex back.

Communication, compassion and empathy are the key words – talk to each other- be compassionate and concerned about the others point of view - empathy means that you try to realize what your partners needs are.

Little and often to begin  with – little so that you can both feel comfortable with the knowledge that you have only  1 hour – often so that you conform to a definite schedule and it gives you both the chance  to think what you want to talk about as you go along  the thoroughfare to reviving strong relationships.

As soon as you are getting more comfortable talking about each other’s point of view and problems, the next stage is to focus on the potential, the best things in your relationship. Everyone has some issues, especially the way the world is at the moment, so concentrate on the good things that you have in your relationship and build on the potential they possess, to improve your relationship.

Focusing on the good side will bring you closer and being closer makes the issues appear not so difficult to deal with “a problem shared is a problem halved”, you are now building up momentum on the thoroughfare to strong relationships.

Putting your feelings first is one of the usual areas of conflict in a relationship, this paves the way to arguments even flares of anger, if you feel that everybody is wrong except you and your small group, then you need to really concentrate on breaking out of this cycle  of relationship breaking attitudes.

If this is hard for you then seek help, as soon as you have discussed it with your partner, seek professional help,  or go to one the many relationship blog sites on the internet or take some online advice from T Dub Jackson who gives loads of down to earth advice about how to get your ex back.

As you near the end of the thoroughfare to building strong relationships, it’s been quite a passage and by now you should be feeling much more comfortable, like you were at the beginning of your relationship. By this stage you hopefully know and understand each other’s point of view, worries and problems to ensure the pavement on the thoroughfare stays in good repair learn to respect each other. Respect is central to all relationships.

If you hit a rough patch on the thoroughfare to building strong relationship, then look for help  it really is worth it, otherwise  things will go really turn sour and you will be asking how to get your ex back, act now and the path to a strong relationship is open all the way.

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There is an old English poet, can’t remember his name, but as most poets do he wrote some poetry the only bit of it I remember is just one line “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”. It came to mind a  long back when I was trying to comfort myself when I lost love, the love of my life and the entire world was against me, In am  putting this down in writing to see if it can be of help if it is happening to you. 

We all go through phases in our lives and in almost all people our relationships correspond with the stages of our lives. For instance when we are young say at junior high, relationship are exploratory and fun they burn hot and short seems like it’s only a few days. As we grow older the length of our relationships also grows, even so there is a definitive span for these early relationships, they go great for a while then something or somebody comes along and suddenly its over.  Most of the population has just one great love in their lives there will be others of course, but in comparison they are like passing trends, nice while they last.

The bible says that we are all created equal, that’s as maybe but the thing is we all get to be equal at a different  pace some quicker than others and that’s where the trouble starts. I lost my love because of it, my girlfriend and I were very close, her lease on her apartment was coming up, so we decided (at least I think it was we?) that she should move in with me, it would save some money on the rent, all good so far.

Then came the crunch when I realized that she was nearer to being equal than I was, she was all for making things more permanent while I liked things the way they were, seeing her most, but not all, of the time, I could not commit to this level of intensity in our relationship. The arguments started, I was frequently in a bad mood and feeling crowded, and I could have handled things a lot better.

Things came to a head one night, I had been asked to a friend’s bachelor party, and you know what’s coming don’t you? Well yea you’re right, things got out of hand, not that I remember much about it, and when she heard about what went on, my feet never touched the floor she had me out that quick. One night one love gone!

But I suppose it was coming anyway, I felt trapped and totally not ready for the new commitment that my girlfriend was asking for. I guess if I hade been ready for the new commitment I would not have gone to the party in the first place, so probably it was a subconscious move on my part to provoke her reaction, because like most men I could not do the break up thing myself.  

It was a great relationship while it lasted, I loved her then and probably still do, but I know now that she is not the love of my life, we were never soul mates just a couple of people who enjoyed being together and having fun, one wanted more, the other was happy the way things were, so it could not last.

It was tough when she got rid of me, I half expected that our relationship would go on the way it had, I never thought much about the future and of course she did, it obviously hurt her that I was not able to commit in the way she wanted. When it was all over I knew it was for the best, though I never wanted her to go from my life for good, but for her it was all or nothing.

That’s how I lost love.
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