
There is an old English poet, can’t remember his name, but as most poets do he wrote some poetry the only bit of it I remember is just one line “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”. It came to mind a long back when I was trying to comfort myself when I lost love, the love of my life and the entire world was against me, In am putting this down in writing to see if it can be of help if it is happening to you.
We all go through phases in our lives and in almost all people our relationships correspond with the stages of our lives. For instance when we are young say at junior high, relationship are exploratory and fun they burn hot and short seems like it’s only a few days. As we grow older the length of our relationships also grows, even so there is a definitive span for these early relationships, they go great for a while then something or somebody comes along and suddenly its over. Most of the population has just one great love in their lives there will be others of course, but in comparison they are like passing trends, nice while they last.
The bible says that we are all created equal, that’s as maybe but the thing is we all get to be equal at a different pace some quicker than others and that’s where the trouble starts. I lost my love because of it, my girlfriend and I were very close, her lease on her apartment was coming up, so we decided (at least I think it was we?) that she should move in with me, it would save some money on the rent, all good so far.
Then came the crunch when I realized that she was nearer to being equal than I was, she was all for making things more permanent while I liked things the way they were, seeing her most, but not all, of the time, I could not commit to this level of intensity in our relationship. The arguments started, I was frequently in a bad mood and feeling crowded, and I could have handled things a lot better.
Things came to a head one night, I had been asked to a friend’s bachelor party, and you know what’s coming don’t you? Well yea you’re right, things got out of hand, not that I remember much about it, and when she heard about what went on, my feet never touched the floor she had me out that quick. One night one love gone!
But I suppose it was coming anyway, I felt trapped and totally not ready for the new commitment that my girlfriend was asking for. I guess if I hade been ready for the new commitment I would not have gone to the party in the first place, so probably it was a subconscious move on my part to provoke her reaction, because like most men I could not do the break up thing myself.
It was a great relationship while it lasted, I loved her then and probably still do, but I know now that she is not the love of my life, we were never soul mates just a couple of people who enjoyed being together and having fun, one wanted more, the other was happy the way things were, so it could not last.
It was tough when she got rid of me, I half expected that our relationship would go on the way it had, I never thought much about the future and of course she did, it obviously hurt her that I was not able to commit in the way she wanted. When it was all over I knew it was for the best, though I never wanted her to go from my life for good, but for her it was all or nothing.
That’s how I lost love.
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