Picture
Throughout the life of any relationship there are ups and downs, times when your relationship is hot and times when it cools, this is a normal pattern for everybody. If anybody tells you it is not true with them then the chances are that their relationship is so flat and possibly lacking in any sort of passion that the difference between up and down is zero. It’s quite possible that’s the way they both like it to be, but for the rest of us, well that’s a different story.

Relationship needs – freedom; on the face of it that’s strange title, but it does not mean freedom in a physical sense so it does not advocate a so called open relationship, rather it means a feeling of almost spiritual freedom. The chance to share and unburden each others fears and problems, within the relationship, this will ultimately bring you closer together.

Before we look closer, just remember the fuel for all relationships is hope, hope is the difference between living and existing, without hope there is no real future.

Freedom from the pain of yesterday, there may be things that happened to either of you before you got together, these may not be big things but simply incidents that stick in your mind. Don’t get stuck in the past bring it out and talk about it, with compassion and love, your pain will disappear. I’ve found that the most common is resentment about having been hurt in the past and being unable to bring out that resentment, well now’s your chance. The flip side is the guilt of regret for things you have done to hurt somebody, the answer is the same, neither guilt nor resentment can stand the full light of a loving relationship so they will disappear when exposed to your loving relationship.

Freedom from the pressure of today if you face life’s pressures together hand in hand, then you will gain strength and stability from each other. Life, especially in today’s economic climate, is tough so facing things together on an equal basis reduces stress - “a problem shared is a problem halved”. In doing this you will go a long way towards freedom from the daily pressures of life.

Freedom from pessimism about the future sharing is the key to this problem as well, it may not be able to change the future, but if you gain strength from each other and talk about the future then freedom from pessimism will at least grow. The future will look brighter and together you can face whatever comes your way, to get through life’s challenges.

Now is the time to step on the gas and fuel your hope for the future, together you can change the way things turn out.

You may need some help to get your freedom, but I hope that you can see what can be done, there are many ways to get help, possibly from your church they will have a relationship counsellor, maybe from a professional guidance counsellor. But my favourite is what helped us the most, online counselling in the privacy and comfort of our own home, which taught us the best way to talk things over and bring out our problems, it worked for us.
 
 
Picture
So often I see couples just drifting apart, it seems almost like they lose interest in each other, not always purposefully frequently it happens without them realizing what’s going on. So the first move on the thoroughfare to reviving strong relationships therefore is to reconnect with each other.

Sounds easy doesn’t simply get together and your relationship   will be OK, basically yes, but you need to study this difficult path to strong relationships. To reconnect with each other needs time, effort and compassion. Probably the first place to start to get your ex back is for you each to take  an interest in what the other does, how they feel and what problems they have trouble coping with the most.

It may most possibly feel awkward for you both after a time when you allowed your relationship to slip, to get up close an personal with each other’s feelings again in this situation.

You will find that if you put some time aside on a regular basis, like every Tuesday and Thursday at 8.00pm, after you’ve eaten, put the kids to bed or whatever you have to do early evening. Allow yourselves an hour to sit with each other and talk. If you don’t do it now the next stage will be asking how to get your ex back.

Communication, compassion and empathy are the key words – talk to each other- be compassionate and concerned about the others point of view - empathy means that you try to realize what your partners needs are.

Little and often to begin  with – little so that you can both feel comfortable with the knowledge that you have only  1 hour – often so that you conform to a definite schedule and it gives you both the chance  to think what you want to talk about as you go along  the thoroughfare to reviving strong relationships.

As soon as you are getting more comfortable talking about each other’s point of view and problems, the next stage is to focus on the potential, the best things in your relationship. Everyone has some issues, especially the way the world is at the moment, so concentrate on the good things that you have in your relationship and build on the potential they possess, to improve your relationship.

Focusing on the good side will bring you closer and being closer makes the issues appear not so difficult to deal with “a problem shared is a problem halved”, you are now building up momentum on the thoroughfare to strong relationships.

Putting your feelings first is one of the usual areas of conflict in a relationship, this paves the way to arguments even flares of anger, if you feel that everybody is wrong except you and your small group, then you need to really concentrate on breaking out of this cycle  of relationship breaking attitudes.

If this is hard for you then seek help, as soon as you have discussed it with your partner, seek professional help,  or go to one the many relationship blog sites on the internet or take some online advice from T Dub Jackson who gives loads of down to earth advice about how to get your ex back.

As you near the end of the thoroughfare to building strong relationships, it’s been quite a passage and by now you should be feeling much more comfortable, like you were at the beginning of your relationship. By this stage you hopefully know and understand each other’s point of view, worries and problems to ensure the pavement on the thoroughfare stays in good repair learn to respect each other. Respect is central to all relationships.

If you hit a rough patch on the thoroughfare to building strong relationship, then look for help  it really is worth it, otherwise  things will go really turn sour and you will be asking how to get your ex back, act now and the path to a strong relationship is open all the way.

 
 
Picture
There is an old English poet, can’t remember his name, but as most poets do he wrote some poetry the only bit of it I remember is just one line “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”. It came to mind a  long back when I was trying to comfort myself when I lost love, the love of my life and the entire world was against me, In am  putting this down in writing to see if it can be of help if it is happening to you. 

We all go through phases in our lives and in almost all people our relationships correspond with the stages of our lives. For instance when we are young say at junior high, relationship are exploratory and fun they burn hot and short seems like it’s only a few days. As we grow older the length of our relationships also grows, even so there is a definitive span for these early relationships, they go great for a while then something or somebody comes along and suddenly its over.  Most of the population has just one great love in their lives there will be others of course, but in comparison they are like passing trends, nice while they last.

The bible says that we are all created equal, that’s as maybe but the thing is we all get to be equal at a different  pace some quicker than others and that’s where the trouble starts. I lost my love because of it, my girlfriend and I were very close, her lease on her apartment was coming up, so we decided (at least I think it was we?) that she should move in with me, it would save some money on the rent, all good so far.

Then came the crunch when I realized that she was nearer to being equal than I was, she was all for making things more permanent while I liked things the way they were, seeing her most, but not all, of the time, I could not commit to this level of intensity in our relationship. The arguments started, I was frequently in a bad mood and feeling crowded, and I could have handled things a lot better.

Things came to a head one night, I had been asked to a friend’s bachelor party, and you know what’s coming don’t you? Well yea you’re right, things got out of hand, not that I remember much about it, and when she heard about what went on, my feet never touched the floor she had me out that quick. One night one love gone!

But I suppose it was coming anyway, I felt trapped and totally not ready for the new commitment that my girlfriend was asking for. I guess if I hade been ready for the new commitment I would not have gone to the party in the first place, so probably it was a subconscious move on my part to provoke her reaction, because like most men I could not do the break up thing myself.  

It was a great relationship while it lasted, I loved her then and probably still do, but I know now that she is not the love of my life, we were never soul mates just a couple of people who enjoyed being together and having fun, one wanted more, the other was happy the way things were, so it could not last.

It was tough when she got rid of me, I half expected that our relationship would go on the way it had, I never thought much about the future and of course she did, it obviously hurt her that I was not able to commit in the way she wanted. When it was all over I knew it was for the best, though I never wanted her to go from my life for good, but for her it was all or nothing.

That’s how I lost love.
This is your new blog post. Click here and start typing, or drag in elements from the top bar.
 
 
Picture
The way things started
Quite often there are times in your relationship when you feel that you are failing, however these failings can be used as stepping stones to make your relationship stronger more successful. Through failure we often have the opportunity to learn the lessons that help us to grow, so never give up just keep trying to make your relationship stronger.

The secret to success is to keep trying, Michael Jordan the basket ball super star missed far more shots than he ever made during his career does anybody remember? Of course not they just remember his constant striving for the next basket. So that’s the way you need to be with your relationship keep striving for more strength and closeness in your relationship.

All relationships go through periods of stress that leads to problems, please remember during these times you are not alone and however bad you think things are the vast majority of couples manage to get over their problems. Keep trying. Just because you have not found a solution to your problem doesn’t mean that there is no solution.

Sit down together somewhere quiet where you will not be disturbed, switch off your cell phones, and be prepared to be totally honest with each other. Think back to the beginning of your relationship, when love was new, fresh and strong, then make a list, write it down if you can, of the promises you made too each other and the way you felt about those promises. Start by each making a list without the other seeing it, when you have finished take it in turns to read the list out.

This will give you both a clear idea of what is important to the other as it is human nature to remember most vividly those things that are closest to our hearts. Once you have finished you can combine the lists into one, starting with the things you agree on, then go onto the things you do not agree on – “Just because you have not found a solution to your problem doesn’t mean that there is no solution.” The list of things you do not agree on is where you will find your problem or problems, now is the time to try your best to solve your issues.

But, what can we do when our best is not enough? Is a question I often hear when friends have reached an impasse with their relationship. This is where the first part of your list comes into play. That was the part of the list that contains all the things you promised each other, when you first fell in love and that you still agree are important to you both.

Take these promises that you made each other and re-affirm them to each other, listen and co-operate with each other take your time go over each promise slowly and ensure that it still holds meaning to you both. Anticipate the feelings that these promises will bring flooding back and strive to retain that feeling in every aspect of your relationship.

If you get into this process but you feel that you cannot find a way out, do not be afraid to seek help. There are many sources that you can get or go to for relationship advice, your church will have some kind of reconciliation counselling available, there are professional relationship advisors that you can find in the yellow book. Or you can do what I did when I had a problem with my relationship I found this fantastic advice site “Magic of Making Up” by T Dub Jackson which we went through together and it helped us to work out our problems together and we are closer that ever now. Thanks T Dub.
 
 
Picture
"Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” is a very old saying and something that  in the  modern world of technology is often forgotten  in our relationships. We have almost come to the stage where we find it easier  to where we have more communication  using  our computers than with real relationships. The constant need for instantaneous replies  to our problems  and commands  means that we are slowly  loosing the know how to successfully  interact  with the ones we love.

When arriving home following a hard  day at work or when you have finished looking after the kids the best present you are able to  give to the one  you love is to listen, that’s  correct I did say listen! Get time for the two of you to have   a few moments   “us’ time, try starting  with something  easy  such as  “What was the best thing about your day?” it will allow  your partner the opportunity  to be frank about their day, in contrast to the every day “how was your day?” to which the reply can  be a one word answer - “Good”. In order that you can become  an attentive listener you must  ask open ended  questions that are unable to  be answered with a one word. Takes practice but the rewards  to your relationship are tremendous.

If you are going through these problems then as a follow-on from this article  take a look at ' how to get my ex back' for more assistance .

Try to  be a listener first, that shows you respect your partner views, at the same time as remembering that ninety percent  of communication involving you is unspoken , to put it another way body language, your partner will rapidly see that you are not actually listening to what they are saying. This will help to destroy  your relationship given time eventually  arriving at the point  when they say  “you never listen to what I have to say……”, or even  worse “you only listen when you want something…………..”

Do not  interrupt them or try to finish their sentences for them, give them time, it is a little known  fact that we can process words at a much greater rate than we can say them, so just listen, be interested in what they say, put them first .

Whether your relationship is just beginning or  well established~ long standing}  thebest way to keep it together  is to listen to what your partner has to say about whatever is important to them, then say something only when you have finished listening  and understood what they have been speaking to you about. Sounds very deep I know, but if make assumptions that you know  what they mean without listening properly and give an incorrect response then follow it with the worst put down – ‘I thought that’s what you meant……….”, will get you into a lot of trouble. Neglect things now and you may well end up asking how to get my ex back

Listening is such a small thing to offer your partner, but over the  years I have found that one of the commonest  relationship issues  is frequently signaled, in  a relationship advice session, when one or other of them says “She/he never listens to a thing I say………………”, which almost invariably  indicates  that when  they communicate  they do not give each other time to listen, you know the “two ears, two eyes & one mouth” thing, means speak half as much as your listen and look .

Whatever age we are we each of us need  to know that the other wants to listen to  what we have to say and show us the respect we need  by listening, it can about anything  like, their opinion on the latest film/game/book/TV show/what happened in their day ……..the list can be never ending and it is often  trivial stuff but they need  to share it with YOU, all you have to do is to LISTEN.

Keep you love for each other young by talking everyday  and above all LISTENING to what the other has to say, Successful communication means  a successful relationship – understand? For more advice how to get your ex back
This is your new blog post. Click here and start typing, or drag in elements from the top bar.
 
 
Picture
Just “get over the guy” your friends are all telling you, but hey its your life and you are having problems doing that. Does not matter who dumped who, it’s difficult to cut all ties after you had been close for so long, there is a gap in your life and in your heart and it is not easy to fill either in a hurry. But amazingly people do move on with their lives and here si n5 steps to help you get over the guy.

One     open up and free up your hurt feelings, its OK to cry a little, some find that it helps them to write it all done in their journal or pour out your feelings to a good friend, whichever way is good for you bring out the hurt while you get over the guy. 

Another good way that I have heard some people use is to write a NO send letter, pour out your feelings on the page, what was good and what was bad with the relationship, the things and times you enjoyed with him and finally the hurt you feel over the breakup. Keep the letter for a few hours like overnight, read it a few times then in the morning burn it, as the flames take the page they take your hurt it is a new day new beginning it is over and you are ready to move on.

Two   change your attitude, you’ve poured out your feelings and your hurt so it has gone, believe that cause if you think he will change (which he will not) and come back to you will find it really hard to get over the guy

Three  clear him and his things out of your life, if he wants them return everything you have of him, if he does not arrange to have them sent to him anyway, you can dump the small things like his toothbrush. Keep nothing that had anything to do with your relationship with him be ruthless clear your pace of all his things clear him from your life.

Four   it is time to get your circle of friends gather them round, till you meet the right one guys will come and go in your life but your girlfriends are forever. When you are in a hot relationship it is sometimes easy to ignore your friends without thinking for a time, now you need to reconnect they will help you get over the guy and get back your social life. Some of your friends will have gone through the same pain and they got over it by seeing them you can get your confidence back so that you can do it as well.

Five    try doing something you always wanted to do and never got round to it, find a club or class that allows you to pursue that interest. It will occupy your time, take your mind off him and your busted relationship, you will gain a new group of friends and in time you will come to be a new person. 

With your old friends and the new friends in your class or club moving on with your life will come naturally because you will have no time to look back.

Moving on is definitely the best way of getting over the guy.

 
 
 
Picture
When you first fall in love, it is like springtime whatever time of year it is, all things seems more vital, and you feel great. Life becomes newer and more exciting, both of you hopeful that this relationship might be the love of your lives. The initial few weeks, months, or for the lucky ones, years seem to pass in blur, then life seem to get in the way.

Then things start to fade, at this stage one or both of you may start to ask themselves how to get back that first vivacity and how to win your old love back.

The realization that the relationship is not as wonderful as you had wished starts   as events takes hold, the once perfect liaison begins to turn a little disappointing. After the initial stage of the relationship passes, the burning flame of passion fades and becomes a damp ember. Now is the time when more than a few relationships and marriages start to see problems, it may seem that the ‘grass is greener….’ and an affair or divorce raises its ugly head.

For those who find this turn of events abhorrent and are not willing to let it go down any further or for those who have had this happen recently, then they need to seek advice.

Get advice about your relationship problems from family who have been through the same issues and got back together.  Simply ask yourself how to get your ex back, there are just 3 steps that will most likely take you back to Heaven.

1)      Speak to each other

This is a no brainer yet  the simplest  things are often  not given the credence they should be - Set  aside  some  time each  day, away  from any distractions (not often  the easiest  of things to achieve , but very important ) to talk about  anything ‘how was your day?’ is often  a good start , do not get too deep,  small talk is good . When you restart natural communications and start to feel at ease once more in one another’s company, then you can start to find out what went wrong.

2)      Take a trip together

Start from the beginning again , take a road  trip, possibly  to revisit  some places you used to visit  when love was new , or possibly somewhere  you always meant  to go but never had the chance . Being together and visiting places is a wonderful start towards seeking out how to get your ex back.

3)   Talk about ‘old times’

Remembering and recalling the things that you used to talk about when love was young, play music, see a film or read a book together, all the things that were vital   to the new relationship. Make it seem spontaneous, something that just happened.

Plan things to make them look to be almost accidental and unstructured, seemingly random events, such as coming across a long forgotten restaurant, accidently discover old memorabilia that will rekindle old memories. The rest is up to you, the key to finding out how to win your ex back, is to set things up for the two of you to fall in love again. As with all emotional upheavals, do not rush things take your time and most of all takes these 3 steps to heaven.           

 
 
 
Picture
Are you having relationship troubles, well everyone does at some stage so don’t stress to much, this article will help you. So to get over the temporary problems (all problems are temporary unless you ignore them) you have to focus on your relationship which means you have to focus on your life. You need to try making your mind sharp and clear so that you can see exactly what is going wrong and more importantly what you can do to fix things between the two of you.

ONE              

The way that life is at the moment we are all busy, sometimes too busy, which means that  we all have a tendency to misuse the margins of our lives. The margin is the space between your load (everything you have to do) and your limit, this is the space where your relationships live and breath, so do not waste it. Focus on what is important to your relationship if you become selfish and unfocussed unfocused you will end up wasting opportunities and will probably end up with problems in your relationship. In other words, when you are not doing stuff you must do, spend the rest of your time focussed on your relationship which equals one happy couple.

TWO             

The best way of avoiding problems or for that matter to mend your problems is to make your relationship the center of your life, easy to say?, what it means is that a happy relationship is based on unchanging stability, just look out for each other. If this stops then it may be that the two of you have become off center possibly concentrating on net worth rather that self worth, everybody needs money to live but try not to make that the all consuming passion of your lives – love displaces worry.

THREE         

Face your own temptations, temptations are all around us and in a healthy happy relationship all temptations are handled together, just talking about them with each other helps them to fade away. If you do not, cannot or will not face them then you really will have relationship problems, get help or advice so that you can face them.

FOUR            

Communication should be the most important focus for any couple, tell each other what you love about the other and also use this time to show your love, remember actions speak louder than words. One of the best ways of mutual communication is to make each other look and fell good about themselves, when you talk to each other.

Focus on relationship and keep it strong, if it weakens then take the time to go back to step one and work your way through the 4 steps and re-focus your life
 
 
 
Picture
Beating depression is a very difficult condition to overcome, it is an awful thing to watch the person you love starting to exhibit signs of depression. They are going through a very dark stage in their lives without, in all probability understanding why, it feels endless with no way out and many couples’s relationships crack under the strain. 

Your partner while under the influence of these depressed feelings seems, to you, to be unable to appreciate the better things in life that you are trying to provide. They behave in an illogical way and you are tempted to feel that your efforts are wasted, but this is not true. Because you are with them they feel as though they can cope better although they may not be capable at this stage of communicating that to you.

 The fact that you have remained with them, means more than you will ever know, though because of their condition they may try to force you to leave them, this is difficult for you to deal with as it may be the exact opposite of what they really want and need.

 I you decide to stay then you would be best advised to found out as much as you can about your partners mental condition. By gaining an understanding of what it is you may be able to work out what brought these terrible feelings on. The fear of perceived failure is a common cause most often happening when they loose a job or something happens that they feel was not their fault and so they should not be in this situation, feeling that it is unfair that they should be here. Whatever started this depressive state it can quickly escalate even if the relationship between you is strong.

If you are not careful taking care of someone with these depressed moods can spread to you, the fact that you have learned as much as you can about your partners condition should make it easier for you to be aware of your own state of mind.

If your partner’s condition seems to be deepening or if you find that you are both starting to show symptoms of the condition then seek help form a psychologist or counselor, professional help is often essential to break the hold of this condition. The depression will be helped by your constant attention but this can be very warring on you, if this is the case then try to step back and take a break to renew you energy to go on.

Sometimes the cause of the condition can be historic in that your partner could have had a bad breakup in the past which they have never fully recovered from, they may live with irrational fear that this will happen all over again with your relationship, even though it may be a strong secure relationship. Seek help from a relationship counselor as often the strain brought about in one partner by the depression of the other means that without help the relationship will break, counseling will restore the balance.

A possible sweet solution - scientific studies that dark chocolate eaten in moderation has a multitude of health benefits not only for the heart but also for the brain as it contains theobromine, caffeine and other stimulants and help with a feeling of wellbeing, but more importantly recent research has revealed that the presence of serotonin in dark chocolate acts as an anti-depressant. 

Never give up where there is love there is hope, just have faith in the help you are giving and that it will allow you to overcome this condition. Seek professional help as early and as often as you can, faith and love will show you the way to beating depression with a strong relationship.

 
 
 
Picture
When you are in love with someone then you never think about the stages of a relationship, This is particularly true if the relationship is new and fresh, nor will you give them much thought when you are concentrating on reconciliation after a breakup. However if you understand the stages of a relationship and the interplay between them, it will make you appreciate where you are and the possible outcomes for you.

Being with someone new, as with all the new things we get in life, is exciting so the first stage of a relationship will be full of romance. The first buzz of interest between you, the first date, the first kiss, getting to know each other, it is all heady stuff. Each of you keen to impress the other and both being careful how you treat the other this is the wooing and romance stage, an emotional high for both of you that rarely lasts more than a few weeks or months if it is really special.

This initial stage is also know as the “honeymoon”, when everything is fresh and new. You know all the romantic things like spring is in the air, flowers smell more beautiful, you laugh at each others jokes, you smile more, your new partner is perfect despite their little faults at this stage  that is how it really feels. During this stage everything is and should be fun, a new adventure and exciting.

Then reality strikes home and life can get in the way of romance, many couples how are fixated on excitement and romance never get past this stage.

The second stage is often referred to as the “top dog” stage. This is when the freshness of the initial period wears a bit thin this typically happens about six months or so into the relationship, you tend to pick up on your others tiny, now possibly not so tiny, faults. It is also at this stage where life takes over and the relationship your relationship starts to get serious.

By this stage you are both trying to impose your needs onto the relationship, and you are possibly starting to notice that the others needs seem to always come first. If this is true then slow down take a step away from the intensity of the relationship look carefully at your partner’s tiny faults and look to yourself to see if you have them as well.

Understanding and compromise is the way to get through this stage together, couples who get to know and understand each others needs, and make compromises to accommodate the other, have the best chance of surviving this stage. This unfortunately is often the last stage for many couples because instead of compassion and compromise they seek control and try to chance the other person to their needs. This often leads to conflict which is exaggerated by forgetting that you have problems too, talk to each other about your true needs, be understanding of each other and your relationship will make it through this difficult stage

The third of the relationship stages is the consolidation stage, where you both have got the measure of the other, you like what you see, most importantly you accept the other for what they are and cease the desire to make changes in them. I you get this far and you are still in love then you have an amazing relationship – well done, if on the other hand you cannot agree on compromises then this is probably as far as it goes for you both. 

The final stage is the contentment and commitment stage you have learnt to appreciate what the other has to offer and they have fully accepted you for what you are. You are both content with each other and are now prepared to commit to each other long term.

It may take a while to reach this point with many couple fluctuating between the later stages of a relationship, but by understanding each stage you will be able to understand what is going on in your relationship

.